Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Operation Purity has been aborted
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we're making bets on your personal life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
