Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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