i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
