is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
