Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
