Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
