I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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