Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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