clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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