Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
