I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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