I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
