why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
