No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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