dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
