I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
