Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
