mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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