That's intense
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
