Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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