I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
