kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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