nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
