i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
