im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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