I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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