As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dick very happy bro
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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