I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
