Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk is not a location!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
