Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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