the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
