I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
