every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
