So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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