I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
