I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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