God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
