my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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