I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dear god my vagina.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
