3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
