i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
