At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
