I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
