I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Text me some of your sweat
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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