so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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