We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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