i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
