i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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