Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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