halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
BRING THE BAGELS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
