My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
