So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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