she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
