There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
