You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
