He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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