I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm really busy with my period
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