Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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