I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
